The other day we were talking about marriages in q8. Particularly about couples moving into a wing, apartment, or a floor at the in laws residence… when a matter i found confusing arose…
Many Q8ys build apartments in their houses for their sons to move in when they get married especially considering the current state of exaggerated rental rates in the country. Nothing strange there.
What’s strange though is that when a woman decides to start looking for a bride or actually finds a bride, she decides that preparations for his sons marriage includes furnishing the whole apartment with her own taste and all he has to do is marry a woman, bring her to live in his already furnished apartment and expects her to live with him happily ever after!
I was aghast at the idea. Starting my life in a bedroom and a living room that i didn’t get to choose? That his mother chose for me?! Why?! For gods sake the apartment is theirs but it should be furnished according to MY TASTE as i am the one going to live there!
People once chewed a girl for insisting on refurnishing the apartment according to her taste. I thought she was right in her move and that the mother in law was being inconsiderate & selfish getting angry at her daughter in law yet others thought i was deluded?! That furnishing the apartment was a great and very generous thing to do and the wife should have been grateful!!!! Another girl i know thinks who cares? It’s not i will live there forever let the mother in law furnish it as she pleases… i am confused here… am i the only one who thinks it’s the wive’s absolute right in furnishing her apartment according to her taste? Not the kitchen or the bathroom per say but at LEAST the bedroom?! Especially considering the 90% of Q8y ladies think that Louis XIV style furniture is the way to go while i strictly hate that style and prefer modern?!
My late mother in law heard i was saving for a Kenwood Major system so she bought me a mixer system in another brand that was fine but i couldn’t keep it for one second in my kitchen and i exchanged it and paid extra for the Kenwood Major i wanted… and that was just a mixer!!! How can anyone live in a furnished apartment and stay there happily when they get married is beyond me…
Would you stay in an apartment at your in laws furnished entirely according to your mother in law taste!? How so?!
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Posted by the boudoir. on January 6, 2011 at 10:42 AM
I agree and see where ur going. Its one thing to share a house with people, and i think at first thats kind of a lot for a girl to bear, but i learned that if there was no choice like the man saving up or there were no good reasonably priced places then its ok..but then if someone like the mother or guy think they can fully furnish it, then im very much against it.
Why?
1- I will b living there for a while, probably staying in the apartment more than the man ever will.
2- Furniture is a woman’s specialty. Especially the wife. And an older woman once told me, 1 thing a guy or his family should never get in the way with is furnishing ur home.
3- Second if the woman doesnt like it she wont b comfortable in it. and the home and especially the bedroom is the place anyone turns to when in need of comfort. ilalwan ilathath kila yi2athir 3al nafsiya psychologically and thats y ppl change the furniture and colors from time to time.
so y live with something u dont like. they should give u the apartment bare or at least with essentials and let u do the choosing. anyways its fun to furnish with the husband. plus if they think about it it saves money (bcoz they wont get to refurnish) plus decrease marital problems ibsibat athath:P
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:25 PM
I personally wouldn’t share a place with inlaws unless i guarantee my privacy going in & out…
Thank you! It’s hard enough getting along with the in laws and arranging your time around them… now they would be furnishing the house? I believe no one should be involved with furnishing a couple’s apratment but the couple themselves! And if it’s possible the man should stay out of it completely because he ruins the decor with his leather lazy boys :p
Posted by the boudoir. on January 6, 2011 at 10:37 PM
omg! i hate the lazy boy! been there..i dont know whats the point of having one it ruins the whole decor:/
and yes i agree to not sharing..especially if hes got men in the house like a brother..but i would compromise yi3timid 3al dhuroof..but if i was a mit7ajba i wouldnt even think of compromising;/
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 6:31 PM
Ee it’s the ugliest piece of furniture ever and it doesn’t go with anything!!!
Posted by Chirp on January 6, 2011 at 10:46 AM
Nope! If they really wanted to be nice and generous just give us the cash and let us buy with our own money!
Laish teshteroon 7agna!! El naas athwaaq oo the bride finally gets her own place oo haam she can’t furnish it 3ala thooqha!
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:27 PM
Exactly magrooda ma 9adegat she becomes a lady of the house only to find it already furnished and be happy with it… wallah lo ARmani wella zaha 7deed designs il decor ham ma ynfa3 etha mo her style ma ra7 tertaa7…
Posted by Farah on January 6, 2011 at 11:33 AM
I wouldn’t stay at my in-laws to start with, so obviously the furniture issue is a no-no. I don’t want to sound judgmental in my comment as I’m not really aware of how the matter works in Kuwaiti society so my comment comes from my countries’ experiences.
I believe living with the in-laws is a no-no. You live with your family and problems are bound to happen even if you’ve been with them for 20+ years, so I cannot even imagine the problems that would arise by living with strangers who have their own taste, ways, lifestyle. There is also the privacy issue, I mean the newly-weds are still strangers as well to some extent and they have to compromise between each other in home matters to make it work so extra opinions and needs are out of place. It only can head to splits-ville or major resentment as the son will always be put in a position to side with someone. It could be over silly things, like lunch time.
This is drastic but I believe if the couple cannot afford to live on their own and furnish their house ya3ni they still have dependency issues & shouldn’t be getting married to start with :s
Ouffff that was long :O
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 11:39 AM
I agree with you on your last comment. If the couple do not have money to get married they shouldn’t
But the situation in Q8 is a bit different. You see to get an apartment to rent and live in it would cost minimum 500 KD = $1500 per month. That eats up most of the husbands salary. That leaves them with not much money to save and if the husband waits till he makes enough to be able to save or pay the rent without pressure no one would get married.
Therefore many families build a complete floor of apartments for their kids. often with separate entrances. I wouldn’t mind living with my in laws if i had a separate entrance and it feels like i am renting yet not paying the rent. But i wouldn’t live there if i have to go through their own entrance and live with them on daily basis. I am not marrying the family i am marrying the man. Then again some people do not mind, to every one their own of course. But living in an apartment furnished by my in laws it a step too far.
Posted by noora on January 6, 2011 at 11:42 AM
during 5e6ba time I didnt feel comfortable going in and out their house to check on the apartment, supposedly my husband took charge of that, practically it was my mother in law!
she furnished the bedroom according to my taste! paint floor color etc.
to my surprise she also did the livingroom @@ it wasn’t me at all! I told my husband that I wanned to change it all and did so 1 yr later. My mother in law liked it soo much that she wanted to change hers now :p
I agree, it’s the bride’s call. 7amdilla 5alti was metfahma
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:28 PM
LooooL your story is in reverse… bs shakelha your mother in law 7leewa ma tetza3al… ako 7reem yez3loon o ysawoon holeela 😦
Posted by noora on January 6, 2011 at 2:01 PM
shes is super 7lewa bs still ne6art sena 3shan aqayer! sena ib shay mat7ebeena mo shwaya
il athath amra hayen marada betaqayar, bs itha they chose ur shabka/debla for u :p moseeba no?
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 6:35 PM
mo9eeba true! But i would rather have them pickup my shabka instead of my furniture… i wouldn’t wear my shabka every day but my furniture i would have to live in …
Posted by Yours Truly on January 6, 2011 at 11:59 AM
Not in a million years. Answer to both questions 😀
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:27 PM
LooL ashwa mo bs ana :p
Posted by Om Lujain on January 6, 2011 at 12:48 PM
From the experience of someone who has been living with her in-laws for 6 years! And finally moving out, its awful! I have no problems with my in-laws, but one needs there own space, to be themselves. In my case we didn’t stay due to financial reasons, it was more along the lines of a big house, with just my father-in-law here alone while the kids were studying abroad. I do admire my father-in-law and family, BUT I NEED MY SPACE, and I am sooo excited that I can actually sit and furnish my entire house WITHOUT anyone telling me how to do it… 🙂 I think the first thing I am gonna do is walk around my house wearing shorts and a tank top, and not worry about bumping into anyone.. blast some loud music even if its just once, and not worry about waking bothering anyone… AND not having to hush my kids because someone is sleeping.
And if I would ever give anyone advise it would be to make it part of your marriage contract that you have SEPARATE living accommodation and NOT live with your in-laws at all.
Btw.. the second i moved in, I changed EVERYTHING from the bed, to the bedroom set, to the sitting area, to the curtains to the flooring.. only thing I kept was the TV:D
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:33 PM
ooh it mut have been very constricting actually living with the in laws :S
we live with my parents but we live totally alone in our apartment… no one bothers us and we go and come and do as we please with no one noticing… but to live within their living space would be impossible for me i just wouldn’t be able to do it…
Congratulations on finally moving out! You are now free 😀
Posted by Sarah on January 6, 2011 at 1:06 PM
I think it all depends on wether the inlaws have good taste or not. If i visit the inlaws and see that their taste for their own furnishing is acceptable then they can go ahead and furnish my apartment, I hate shopping, so ra7 yfekoony mn ildwara o 3ewar il ras.
If there taste is totally different than mine, then I would probably drop hints that we have different taste and talk to my husband about what I have in mind.
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:37 PM
hmmm i don’t know… even if their taste in furnishing is better than mine i woldn’t be comfortable living in something they choose… at least the bedroom should have been chosen by me…
The thing is, it’s our given right to choose our own furniture when we get married… why do people assume it’s their right to choose on your behalf and that you should have been grateful with whatever they chose for you and you have o right to complain?
Posted by HF on January 6, 2011 at 1:10 PM
hmmmm… i’m living with my in-laws… oo during the engagement my mom told me that my mother-in-law had already chosen the furniture… bs el7emdillah my fiance (now hubby) told her that she can’t buy without my approval… he decided that on his own… at that point i was too shy to converse on such topics with him… looool.
ne who…i got to go to the store… i’m lucky cuz 5alty is an AMAAAAAAAAZING interior designer…. i was given the opportunity to choose wutever i wanted bs was limited to that store… so i switched some items with others… so it wasn’t totally me… and not totally her… Fair share “D
plus… we did go around oo shefna alternatives… maadry.. nothing 3ajabny kethir that store.. el7emdillah
a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGEEE part of me thinks “ma ga9erat 5alty” she went thru all that trouble oo ma naget ella the best of the best.. then again i wanted to go for another style… initially…
dad says… aham shay 3ala8tich eb 5altich… ehya sawatlich the best… la tadgerreenha… looool… dads’ wisdom…
then again i don’t know how i’d feel if i came to a completely furnished home oo i had nooo say in it wut-so-ever.. most probably upset.
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:17 PM
If your hubby hadn’t asked his mom to include you in the choosing and you would have been forced to live with her taste… would you have been happy/comfortable?
See your dad’s wisdom… this is what i am talking about… elders in the society think it’s completely normal to be offered a fully furnished house o inah 3aib inich itdagreen your in laws… ya rabi ma feha shay laman agool i want to furnish my own apartment mo? Laish to3tabar dagra?! The in laws should understand that themselves y3ni…
I know one thing for sure… if i ever have a son and i am preparing him for marriage, i wouldn’t even choose the bathroom or the kitchen… he & his wife are free to furnish it as they wish…
Posted by Sarah on January 6, 2011 at 1:13 PM
As for the refurnishing, imagine you gave furnishing to someone (your sister for example) as a gift , wouldn’t you be offended to find out it has been thrown away immediately and replaced with new furniture after all of the time and money you spent on it? In addition your giving a message to your in laws that you do not have taste.
I think she should have said what she wants before the furniture was bought or accept it, use it and then replace it after a few years.
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:41 PM
ah exactly! I wouldn’t give anyone any piece of furniture or equipement unless i know in advance they want that particular piece because i believe people have different tastes and that if i give them something chosen according to my taste it might not be to their liking even if i think my taste is better than theirs… frankly if i do give someone a piece of furniture and they throw it away it’s my own fault for assuming i could impose my taste on others and frankly i don’t think i have the right to sulk about it… i can’t force people to like what i like or vise versa!
So from the begining i would take the easy way out and give them money or a voucher or ask for what they would like themselves instead… people however don’t see eye to eye on this concept with me madry laish?!
Posted by Sarah on January 6, 2011 at 1:14 PM
Sorry typo :
,,,your giving a message to your in laws that THEY do not have taste.
Posted by newbride on January 6, 2011 at 1:40 PM
i agree with you , and to be honest ma7ad mar 3alaay enah om elryaal freshat 3la keefha !!
ee ana alama shft my place she told me when thing : oboona tra mo rathe tb6oon shay bl6oofa !!! ok ana mabe aghyer shay bas elkilma thaygtnee wayed o i told him
walah a7es ma ra7 agdar ag3d mkan mo 3laa thooge l9ra7a
Posted by danderma on January 6, 2011 at 1:43 PM
shino y3ni etb6oon shay bel 6oofa?! y3ni ma y9eer et3alqoon sowar o itsawoon drill to put the nails in or hang a TV or a shelve?!
How are they hanging stuff in their home?!
Posted by intlxpatr on January 6, 2011 at 5:30 PM
Our son and DIL lived in a house we bought. They didn’t have a lot of money. The house needed updating. I would go find samples, photos, ideas and run them past my son’s wife. Like one time we looked at around 500 different shades of creamy white (!) and narrowed it down to 20, then finally to one, but it took time. Sometimes we would make a decision and then she would come back with an alternative and it was always a good one.
There are women who don’t even know their own taste when they get married, and there are women who are working and overwhelmed with all the work that goes into setting things up. And – it’s not only the newly weds who sacrifice privacy.
The best situation is when there is love, compassion and empathy between the young couple and the family with whom they live – and that they can work together. My DIL was not so confident; she is becoming more and more confident in her own choices. 🙂
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 6:34 PM
i think your DIL is very lucky to have you as a mother in law! If every mother in law was like you much marital problems would have been dissolved 😀
Posted by a on January 6, 2011 at 6:39 PM
Maybe this is only in my family, bas when my uncle got married him and his wife chose the whole apartment the only thing we did is the bathroom+paint. Same with my other uncles
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 6:38 PM
Your family is good to your in laws but not every family do the same 😦
Posted by CurlyCurls on January 6, 2011 at 7:07 PM
Hmm , well to be honest my case is a bit different and i kinda cant be objective !! coz i love my mother in law :$
first of all our apartment was HIS room before we even got married, so he stayed there a few months before we got engaged, but only the bedroom was furnished, it was kinda mixed, modern but with a hint of classic and when i first moved in i really liked it, so i didnt choose a thing and since we both study abroad and spend most of the year in our other home,i didnt care much about redecorating or anything.
second of all, when i moved in i immediately had to travel so i didnt get the chance to furnish the rest of the apt even with the constant nagging of his mom that we should settle in and make it our home, (basically she LOVES decorating :), whether she is doing it or anyone else for that matter, and dnt get me wrong i love her for that), aaand one day when i came back for the summer break … guess what taaaadaaa .. my living room is furnished along with a dining table and all and a new chandelier .. well i still didnt complain coz again its only a cuple of months and i’ll be away.
BUT
now that i only have a year left to graduate and go back home, i really do want to redecorate my whole apt to my liking, however .. and brace yourselves, my hubby dont want to change a thing coz hes just too lazy and dnt like decorating, on the other hand his mom is all about it, and shes actually helping me to persuade his highness 😛
so elzebda, i guess i was ok with everything coz i was in a split situation between here and there :S nonetheless, 5alty is a cool mother in law 😀
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 6:40 PM
in ur case since you study abroad and you are all family it would be different and they would at least know you enough to keep you in mind when the furnish…
but imagine total strangers furnishing your place?!
Posted by Summer on January 6, 2011 at 9:16 PM
wow, i never really thought of that!
I guess i would be like you.. I would hate to live in a place that doesn’t fit my taste and design! It would be horrifying! but then again you can always change the furniture behind your mother in-law’s back 😀
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 6:32 PM
loool ako motherat in law id3al yechaykoon warach o ye3a9bon if u touch anything china a crime of humanity..
Posted by anon on January 7, 2011 at 2:17 AM
i’ve been living with my in-laws for almost 5 years now,, it hasn’t been easy,, and i’m starting to get fed up,, il7imdilla we’re planning on moving out soon,, so atleast i can see the light at the end of the tunnel,, it was all furnished by 5alty,, it has NOTHING of my taste,, but it’s nice and modern,, when my sister first saw the place she was like,, this is soo not you! and i never felt like i could make any changes cuz it’s not my house,, true i hate the silly remarks made by them on my sleeping schedule,, or my going out,, but inshalla ilfaraj jireeb,, but overall it isn’t so bad,, like i never have to worry about the food or other household stuff,, the only thing i advise anyone who’s going to live with their in-laws is,, have your own separate entrance!!
i guess the thing i wish for the most is PRIVACY,,, no one needs to know when i slept, woke up, ate, was in the shower,,,, urrrrggghhh! il7imdilla 3ala kil 7al…
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 5:35 PM
I am glad you are seeing light at the end of the tunnle… i totally agree living at the in laws could be bearable if and only if you have a separate entrance!
Posted by inspirationsbysd on January 7, 2011 at 2:43 AM
I find it funny how Kuwaiti mothers (i’m sure its everywhere) nag their sons to get married and once the son finally caves in…the mother latches on and controls everything :s
I dream of the day that I get to furnish my own place, I couldn’t imagine anyone else furnishing it for me 😛
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 5:30 PM
Eee it’s ironic! It’s like they can’t wait to become mothers in law to start planning other people’s lives!
Posted by karamilah on January 7, 2011 at 10:21 AM
i’d prefer living in my own home from the very beginning. and i do agree with you that doing things your way and the way you like it is better than accepting what people impose on you.
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 5:28 PM
i think it’s a non negotiable right to be frank.
Posted by Kinz on January 7, 2011 at 1:06 PM
When I first came to Saudi as a bride my mother-in-law asked me if I like pink or white. I said pink and when I arrived I moved into their house in a different city from where they lived. The house was completely furnished because it was their house and they kept the master bedroom. The pink wound up being my bedroom. It was nothing like my taste but it was still beautiful so I lived there for one year when we moved into a furnished compound which again wasn’t my taste but I had my freedom. Over the years I replaced everything with my own taste. Now after the kids have grown up, a lot of it needs replacing or at least re-upholstering. My point is that nothing lasts forever. Ideally a bride would have some say in how her house is furnished but if she and her family are not paying for anything then one should be grateful until things can be changed discreetly. I think I was lucky because my mother-in-law has flawless taste other houses I’ve seen are badawy even with the bride’s own taste.
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 5:27 PM
You know i would rather pay for the furnishing my self and have it furnished to my taste instead of having it paid for by the in laws and furnished by them! It’s just not fair! If they insist on paying they should have a least took you out shopping… it’s a basic human right 😦
But the girls who are ok with it think that it’s not going to last forever fa why not?!
Posted by 7anan on January 7, 2011 at 3:25 PM
When we moved in to our house mom wanted to furnish my brother’s apartment bas then after someone told her ena el marra et7b etsawe sh8at’ha 3ala kaifha 7ata ma 5aleta yshtre a new bed LOL bas sawatla el9ala for his friends if they wanna pass by. That was like 5 years ago;p w lama tezawaj tawwa yat ehya w 5that 8yasat everything w they went together to buy the furniture! The only part omy teda5alat fee was the 9b’3 cz his wife asked for her opinion. 3ad ehy maskena 6ayba w ma tgol Shay bas klsh mala da3e en2atheth! Ana ma arthaha 3ala nafse, ba3ad sh8etee w abeeha 3ala thou8y ;p
Posted by danderma on January 7, 2011 at 5:22 PM
Zain itsaween!!!
I totally understand and that is exactly what i say… if i don’t like anyone to furnish my place on my behalf then i wouldn’t wish on anyone to have furnishing dictated by their in laws! Ya rait every one does the same exactly!
Posted by chatterbox on January 8, 2011 at 6:34 PM
NO. akeed nooooo
‘7o9o9an enna in your in-laws house you will not move until you get your own house after maybe 10 years.
just refurnish your home and let them deal with there own problems 🙂
Posted by danderma on January 8, 2011 at 6:52 PM
Ee fee in laws 7leween ma ygolon shay o fee in laws yaqlebonha mana7a o capital crime! allah yahdee el jamee3 bs…
Posted by B.Smile on January 9, 2011 at 9:40 AM
I agree with you on this subject, i can’t live in a place that is supposed to be my own & in the same time doesn’t show my taste or my style it’s not a hotel room that you’ll stay in for a couple of days & leave it’s YOUR first home!!!
there is also other concerning subject if a woman is staying with her in laws & i hear a lot of my friends complaining obout which is the mother in law having a spare key to her son’s apartment!!!! and one friend told me that she once arrived to her apartment unexpectedly (she didnt moved in yet) to find her mother in law doing a tour to her relatives & showing them the rooms & even the girl’s clothes & all her personal stuffs that she previously brought!!!!
Posted by danderma on January 9, 2011 at 10:26 AM
haw haw haw haw… even the girl’s clothes?!
Wakhzya! What on earth gives her the right to do so?! Wallah lo ana chan sawait zelzal… ygolon why half the marraiges end up in divorce…
Posted by miszbuf10 on January 9, 2011 at 6:56 PM
this is what happen with me when i came to kuwait to marry my husband, when i got here my mother in law wanted to decorate the whole apartment for us and i had a big fight with my husband and it ended with she just gave us money to decorate ourselves. but we still got stuck with a 30 yr old stove with a broken oven and windows that are ugly ass hell. in the end i would not recommend moving in with in laws, it is horrible in my opinion, but then i am not from here and was used to living alone so it is hard for me living in a house with 8 other people. you never get any peace, everybody always wants something from you or they want my husband to do something for them. if you can afford it…get an apartment!
Posted by danderma on January 9, 2011 at 9:38 PM
i am so sorry hon. I don’t think you can do anything to the windows but why didn’t you change the stove?! Can a stove survive 30 years?!
Posted by miszbuf10 on January 9, 2011 at 7:03 PM
B.Smile, this sort of happen to me and it is so annoying. my mother in law has a key to our apartment and every time we go on vacation i end up coming home to find that she has cleaned it and moved all of my things around. I am not snotty but I hate when ANYBODY touches my things. His sisters were wearing my clothes and I couldn’t find a bunch of my things because his mother had moved them. after this i changed the lock on our bedroom door and soon i will change the whole main door to our apartment. There is no reason that anybody should be in my apartment, I don’t go downstairs and go in everybody’s rooms. IT’S RUDE!
Posted by danderma on January 9, 2011 at 9:37 PM
his sisters were wearing your clothes without your permission that they took from your room while you were on vacation!?
Hon this is called stealing… i doubt your husband would say anything… the only way to go is to change the locks! What if his mother walks on you while you are enjoying a moment alone together!?
Change the locks but don’t let them know… the next time they try to sneak in behind your back they will be in a surprise… i doubt they would bring up the subject to your husband then because it would mean they had been sneaking in behind your back and that isn’t pretty…
Posted by Aws on January 10, 2011 at 10:41 AM
your post made me think…
i am 34 and never actually picked a piece of furniture !
when i was a kid it was my parents…
when i went to college, my mom came along in my freshman year and furnished my apartment when i was busy with school work.
when i finished college my parents had surprised me with a new bedroom… so i moved this bedroom to our new house…
i only got to pick my bedroom paint… peach had always been my favorite color… and that’s the only piece of decoration i got to choose in my 34 years…
am i to pity myself that the world i live in is not of my own making?
or feel grateful.. because i was always blessed with someone who cares enough to shower me with … furniture !
it’s not a black and white scenario… i happen to like my bedroom even if i wasn’t the one to choose it, i always liked that shade of wood.
i don’t like how our new house is set up like some saraya of the khidaywee … but i only live in my room. not the entire house.
and it wouldn’t be fair to ask my parents to decorate the house as per my taste. it’s their house.
oh and i also was allowed to choose my own bathroom..
that’s the space that life offered me.. a room and a bathroom.
i am only entitled to have my say in my own space.
so if your in-laws were kind enough to share with you THEIR SPACE (where they probably would have preferred to put their own house gym), then i have no right to complain when they want that space to look like the rest of their house, so not to clash with their theme. True, I may not like their theme.. but that’s not my space to start up with … i have no right to it.. the state grants me loan to make my own house, my inlaws are not required to host me in their premises. and if they were kind enough to offer me (or their son) a roof over over head, then even if i don’t like it, i don’t have any right to complain.
it’s similar to when you don’t like your job. no one is forcing you to stay there. so don’t blame others on the choices you made. if i had agreed to marry their son, i have agreed to the whole package..
if i was paying for the furniture with my own money, then i have the say. but they pay for the furniture and i come in demanding my right to select ?
i believe this is inappropriate. if they are nice enough to let me choose then it’s ok. but if they don’t offer the choice then demanding such thing will hurt them.. “she doesn’t like our taste” … mayiswa i build grudges against me.. so i might as well swallow it and learn to cope…
Posted by danderma on January 10, 2011 at 2:47 PM
ah honey… now here is the thing…
If i am willing to live in their space and have them decorate it with their own money and they did it without consulting me… i have no right to demand anything
But if i am willing to pay for everything from my own money… and i go to find the place already furnished… now that would be unfortunate because i would have to chuck it all out of the window and furnish it again with my own money
These things have to be cleared up during the engagement. Even if the parents offer to help furnish the apartment they should at least consult the woman they are taking on her taste and what’s not. Ur parents furnishing ur room is one thing, strangers furnishing your room is totally another thing.
Just becasue they are offering you a space to live in they have no right to think it should look like the rest of their house. Offering you a place to live in a declaration of allowing you to start your marital life in there… so it’s technically your little kingdom. The have no right to barge in, or change anything, or redecorate anything in there. They have to respect that and allowing the bride to furnish that little place within four walls is an absolute right for her… this is the way i see it anyways…