What on earth were u THINKING?!

The most embarrising thing on earth happened to me today… i literally started crying in the middle of it and did not stop for a long time…

You see, it all started this afternoon…

I was happily snuggled in my warm blanket, enjoying my weekend, when Butootee enters the room, he had just came from outside, visiting several of his relatives, including a very sweet great aunt of his (an aunt of his mom), lets call her aunt X

so he starts talking about his visits, who said what and so on, until he, VERY CASUALLY, says the following…

Bu Tootee: Yeah and Aunt X was saying why dont you and Daddys girl visit me tonight? a couple of my neices are coming over after prayers, come with her and visit me?

Fa i said ok we will come tonight me and Daddy’s Girl

I sit upright in bed… shocked!

Daddy’s Girl: Arent we visiting 3 of your relatives TOMMOROW NIGHT?

Bu Tootee: Yeah so?

Daddy’s Girl: THIS IS MY WEEKEND! I WANT TO RELAX AT HOME! why didnt you just say we will visit you tommorow? WHY? did you even check with me first? WHat am i? a goat in this house? a slave? you would think i would go just because u SAID SO!

I am panicking! My eyebrows are a MESS and i cannot do them now (girls u understand why) … i have a half ingrown mustache, i look like a french man straight from the man with the iron mask movie! Most of my clothes are in the dry cleaners! I have absolutely no intention of visiting any one today! I wanted to have lunch, pray, and sit on my couch until it was time to wake up tommorow and maybe go to the salon in the morning… !!!!

He used to do that all the time, when his mom was alive allah yer7amha, he would suddenly wait till we are in the car to say “we are meeting mom today” or call me when im all sweaty and gross and out of the gym and say “come pick me up now, oh by the way mom is here with me come say hi!!!”

I am furious! I have told him a million and a thousand times not to do this to me. I need advance notice!!!!

He said plz dont let me go alone today. Come with me and next time i will check with u first.

Huffing and puffing after my lunch, i dress with the only decent thing left in my cupboard, she is an old lady with two of her neices whome i know and like. Nothing so fancy…

So we ride the car, as we near the womans house, we find there is a street block… of many many MANY cars… and people walking in the street, and drivers and stuff…

I tell him Butoote, do u think all these cars are headed for ur aunts house?

He says Nooooo it must be a 7usainiya near by… see all the men walking wearing black?

Ay 7sainiya!!! i see no 7sainiya nor hear anything…

He calls the aunt, nothing… calls and calls, and nothing…

We park far away, we start walking, and he points towards a young man wearing a navy jacket and getting into his car saying “see, it must be a 7sainiya and it just ended, see this guy riding his car to go home?”

2 minutes later, he is shaking hands with the guy saying to him hiiii o salaaaam… turns our he is the son of one of the neices i know…

Fa the guy says to Bu Tootee “i couldnt get inside, there are like a 100 women inside!!!” GUlp! that doent sound good does it?

Fa i tell bu tootee “7sainiya haa? Lets turn back and come tommorow!!”

He insists… NOoooooooooooooo .. wait wait… the guy goes to get his mom to inform her of our arrival, 5 minutes of us standing at the outside gates, me begging him to go, many many teenagers mulling around with plates of food around us… and then his Aunt calls us inside the garden…

Wa illa she is sstanding at the door of the house.. the garden had chairs like they do when u buy a buffet and they give you guest chairs covered in cloth, a shawerma man is standing in the corner peeling shawerma for the people around, a table has a high stack of plates on it, and women are coming inside in multiples of numbers!!!!

I wash shocked!!!

a quick glance behind Aunt X shoulder showed me that there are many many MANY women inside, making a loud buzzing noise, children are running all around us, some of them holding baloons. and not one other MALE insight!!!

Fa the aunt says hello, i greet her by kissing her, then she grabs my hands and says to bu totee “you go have ur dinner, yalla come with me”

I cling to Bu Tootee with my other hand, my hand clutching his side like a survivor at sea clings to a piece of wood! No way am i going inside ALONE! NO WAY! I do not know those people, i am not ready for 100+ woman party!!!! I am not groomed enough, i am not dressed enough, and im going to make my self look like a fool by saying hello to no one i know and ignoring the ones i do know because under this kind of stress and surprise, i go blank -it goes back to another childhood birthday memory that just came to mind, i will talk about it soon-

So i cling to bu tootee, he says to his aunt x “cant i come in?” and she says “no, all women inside without their 7ejab on, a couple are monaqabat too!” fa he very casually and stupidly says to me “ok go inside”

“Ok go inside? OK GO INSIDE?!”

Aunt X sees Bu tootees approval, and starts pulling me towards the door, i beg Bu totee in English so she doesnt understand me “Plz do not do this to me plz, plz dont leave me alone PLZ” fa she asks him whats wrong?

He says “laaa mesta7yaaa” -Naaah she is only shy!-

She says “Laa ur with me why mesta7ya? come come” o pulls me…

and she pulls me, and i dig my hand on bu tootees side, looking at him pleadingly …

and then i start crying!

Real cool. Very very cool!!!

Now aunt X is confused of course, she assures me that all inside are my family and that im part of that family “yeah right” so why am i being so shy? The sweet lady doesnt know how sweet his family is towards me. She is just from the old q8y generations when all people are equal in her eyes. and generousity is all there is.. she doesnt know what has come to the world.

Noooow… after all this humilation… after me crying infornt of all these kids and children and people coming inside and women peering out at us and women leaving… Mr. Bu Tootee kisses his aunts head and says “will pass by you tommorow i promise”…

and after assuring her for 10 times that we will pass her by tommorw, sshe says ok and lets go of my hand. i mumble a good buy and fly out of the door towards my car, tears streaming out of my face, once inside my car i start yelling at bu tootee

and crying some more

So much for respecting ur mate and trying to make him stick to his word… yeah right… he is being respected and im being humilated… how fun is that!!!

and u know, two minutes into my crying, what does he tell me?

Shall we pass by aunt B now (aunt B is aunt X’s sister who lives s nearby)…

I scream in his direction “yeah, if u dare do that, i will TELL HER EVERYTHING U DID TO ME TODAY… i will let her show you how TO TREAT UR WIFE”

Never again am i going to compromise like that. Im putting my foot down! If i have no previous knowledge about it, then I AM NOT GOING! PERIOUD!!!

Now its time to cry some more… good night

15 responses to this post.

  1. awww 7abeebtee

    akeed bu tootie didnt know its this big huge event!

    bs he should know u better than to do that to u

    dont feel bad


  2. im very very sorry for u sweetie!!! shway o abchi ana b3d :S
    madri shno agolech inshalla bo totte yefham hal marra :S


  3. LOOL! This is so funny! Sorry bas its funny for a reader, bes if I was you, I would hit him – HARD!! wallah they dont know what its like for us!

    All the guys have to do is wear their dishdashas and they’re good to go. But for us girls, its our face, hair and what to wear! And if ur in between salon sessions, fa some things are harder to wear than others!


  4. Posted by yara4ever on January 10, 2009 at 10:28 AM

    el reyayeel dont understand this.. bas yalbeson deshdasha then they are ready for any event, sewaa dewaniyat rab3a at home or a huge wedding.. e7na laa we need prior notice coz other women are going to really stare into every inch of us and analyze and e7eshon.. plus when u feel good about what ur wearing then it doesnt matter where ur going

    When you go tonight, tell her ur sorry about ams bas u honestly didnt know about the event and had stomach cramps so u came coz u thought it was only her… something like that


  5. Something similar happened to me actually.

    At first I was going to reply to your post and let you know that you overreacted and everything but then I realized I was being somewhat hypocritical. So let me relate this story of mine to you, in hopes that you cheer up and realize that sometimes (ideally all the time) you just have to go with the flow and adapt to your situation (something I’ve developed quite well but still need more practice).

    Ilmohim, a friend called me up, wanting to grab some lunch at someplace downtown.

    So I arrived at his place, we drive off and we go in a direction that doesn’t lead to the downtown area and so I asked him where we were going.

    He convinced me that we were going to this new, trendy Japanese/??? fusion restaurant in the residential part of Shuwaikh and being the naive, and gullible fool that I am ( even after I told him there could never be a restaurant like that in a residential area), I went along with him none the wiser.

    So we arrive at this house and we see an Indian man preparing a barbecue and so I thought my friend was surprising me with a visit to one of our mutual friends who lives in the are, and tends to visit Kuwait and leave rather quickly without really informing everyone.

    So I’m like cool, a gathering fit for shabab and pictured good food, TV in the background, Kout, meeting some new people and reuniting with an old friend, something a fancy Japanese restaurant downtown could never compete with (except if said restaurant had a plethora of attractive women dining there :p )

    We arrive at the door, I look inside and see all these chairs, lights and strange shapes of many sizes moving about.

    This is no dewaniya or setting for guys I thought and lo and behold my surprise when we enter and I realize it’s his grandmother’s house with his family members gathered that day for a family lunch, complete with aunts and female cousins.

    So after struggling to literally escape (which I couldn’t because my friend suddenly developed super strength) and making a scene, I reluctantly accepted my doom. My hair was super messy and I was so stiff the whole time, walking like a robot to insure I don’t slip up and I’m not so good with small talk when it comes to complete strangers unless I’m in a setting with friends or under different circumstances. Plus one of his female cousins seemed kind of cute so that burdened my ‘KEEP COOL, SLOW AND STEADY BREATHS’ mentality at the time, so I pretty much made a bad first impression I’m sure.

    All in all, It’s quite funny when I think about all the events that happened that day and now that I look back, I wish I didn’t make a scene at the door and took my own advice (I did sort of ten minutes after my arrival).

    So yeah, my post of a story. 🙂


  6. Posted by Daddy's Girl on January 10, 2009 at 12:48 PM


    For the record no he didnt know it was that big. But any one with half a mind functioning could see that it was. Why not just TURN BACK when we had the chance is beyond me?

    La3anat ryayeel!!!


    When u said shway o abchi ana b3d i started crying harder! It’s so sweet of you hon!

    Lakin El sharha 3lay ana ilee lebast ihdomee o re7t wyah when i did not want to. Ana ele astahal…

    La o yabi b3d yekamil il meshwar!

    This Lady

    Yeah i am thinking of taking Karate classes. Maybe he will be afraid then!!!


  7. Posted by Daddy's Girl on January 10, 2009 at 12:55 PM


    Ee ma yabelhom shay! and they look GOOD! y3ni no cream no cleanser no thing, a quick shave, even dirty looks good, ghetra o 3qal o ishwayat bukhoor o dehen 3ood, a nice jotee o sa3a… o voila!!!

    o ma7ad ham ye6ale3hom aslan even if they are imbahzeleen! It is just not FAIR! la7ad ye7esh fehom, wala sheftay flana, wala 3lanatana

    Im afraid to open my mouth at Aunt X today, akhaf anhar o atahawash wya butootee jedamha… way to label me a nessra 3ad for ever…

    3 Am Flight

    Your story is even worse than mine! At least i have to tolerate my husband…

    chan u told him ana shako aroo7 yam3at ahalik? Ako rayal ayeeb ryal for his family yam3a o bedoon ma yadry?!

    Seems to me that you have been tricked to go and see some of his families available girls!!! Weslaw lee hal 7ala il awadem?! Walla khoosh 6areeqa!!!!

    O it kinda worked… didnt u say he had a cute cousin?

    Lo kint okhoy o sawaw feek chithee… chan 3la his family o 3leeh a big X… wain ga3deen?

    Tell me, o if i want to i will go!

    Don’t worry… you must have been of utter interest to them that day… it wouldnt matter if u went in ur pajamas for all they care 😉

    and by the way, you were right the comment on the post of the imghazelche il q6ry… i told my husband about ur comment and asked him if its true? He said yes, didnt u notice i didnt even brush my teeth before coming to bed?

    Not brushing his teeth is a major Taboo! I don’t think he went to sleep without brushing his teeth since he got them in the first place!


  8. Worse? Hmm don’t know about that, it won’t happen again I’m sure.

    Yeah I was pretty pissed off at him for tricking me, but apparently he’s done this to my other friends. Madry, a7is he just wanted someone to go with him, I honestly can’t come up with a reason for why he did that and when I press him about it, he just laughs lol.

    His family are decent people, they’re open minded but I don’t think his mom knew ina I wasn’t aware that I was going to be with them. I told him to tell his mom why I was trying to leave so that she would understand where my bout of shyness came from because surely someone who agreed to have lunch with you wouldn’t make such a big scene when they arrived?

    To my knowledge, he still hasn’t told her, probably because it would be embarrassing for him to tell her that he essentially ‘kidnapped me’ !

    Why do you say that I would have been of interest to them? Bil3ax they were probably like whose this weird kid.

    See? Us guys think alike 🙂 I don’t get the not brushing his teeth bit though.

    Forgive me if I’m wrong bas a7is he was taking out his revenge on you by telling your aunt ina you wanted to come to her gathering without telling you?


  9. Posted by Zabo0o6a on January 11, 2009 at 11:50 PM

    3wartaay galbee, gemt abchee weyaj :*


  10. He wasn’t tricking you, Danderma. And it isn’t just Kuwait where this happens. Men have kind of a blank spot where social distinctions evolve. They are, for the most part, purely oblivious to the little nuances that females go over in great detail.

    It boils down to survival. You don’t want him embarrassed in front of his family. ALWAYS, ALWAYS have one good dress and one brand new pair of stockings in reserve. Pluck enough of those eyebrows to pass until you can get to your salon. Ditto the moustache. The show must go on. Have one pair of drop-dead gorgeous shoes, and one pair of very expensive gorgeous earrings you can count on to make you feel special. Ask BuTootie to contribute – it’s a family expense, you’re looking drop-dead gorgeous at HIS family events. 🙂

    Keep your mouth shut, look older women in the eye and smile. They love young women who listen attentively, and they will adore you.

    Never, never say one tiny critical word about any member of your husband’s family. Be loyal to him. Trust me, it pays off big time in a life-time-loyal husband.

    You have every right to demand advance warning. If it isn’t on the calendar, you shouldn’t have to go. He needs to understand your need to prepare, so you can be your best – for HIM, of course. (Let him believe that)

    What you went through is a nightmare, but it is all a part of life. I ended up at a posh charity event once in my rattiest jean-skirt and just had to hold my head high as if I were dressed, I had thought I was escorting a visitor to a flea-market! If you hold your head high and act as if nothing is out of the ordinary, you can get through it.

    I bet you did just fine. I just have this feeling about you.


  11. Posted by Daddy's Girl on January 12, 2009 at 8:50 PM


    I have a gift, i do not know what it is, but all women over 70 years old just adores me. They fall totally and utterly head over heels in love with me within 2 minutes of meeting me.

    Sadly, that gift doesnt extend to 69 years old and younger. Infact, it is quite the opposite, they just loathe me, waiting for me to trip to take a stab at me and make fun… the younger the women/girl, the meaner…

    and i have no idea why!

    But i like the idea of him contributing to my attire so he would look good. I will use the line next time, i will say “But i do not want anyone to say Bu Tootee’s wife is not well dressed/groomed, so he must be cheap/mean to her… i cannot bear anyone saying a bad word about you honey! yada yada yada…” tickle his ego …great advice :*

    Unfortunately, i did not handle that situation well and the outcome was hideous… never again!


  12. ambeeh 7abeebte 😦 i will cry 2 walah , hubby used to do that bas marrah 39bt 7adee o i told him u have to tell me b4 , his mom dayman tswee chthee feenee akoon ga3da inmy room she calls o tgool 3ndee yam3aa come . shnoo ??? ay shay so i never show up


  13. Posted by Daddy's Girl on January 12, 2009 at 9:10 PM


    Ma tez3al? itha ma yeetay?!?

    B3d hathe ghair 7ala 24 hours metsan3a o met3adla o ga3da tan6ereen…

    B3dain dam inha 3ndaha yam3a laish ma t36eech notice? Each and every time the just ring the bell and come??? Mayseer!!!!



  14. LOL, Danderma, you sound like you learn from experience. everyone finds themselves unprepared from time to time, the trick is – how well do you think on your feet? Learn from this. Don’t get angry; anger gets in the way of thinking. Keep in mind that your husband truly loves you, and can’t help but be clueless in some ways (like how good are you at fixing a broken pipe under the sink? changing a flat tire?)

    I love that you wrote this up. We all felt like we were there in your shoes! 🙂 Use this an an opportunity to figure out how you want to do it better next time. Sigh. . . .there is always a next time. . . sigh.


  15. Posted by mounsi on February 24, 2009 at 1:02 PM

    every time i remember this story i feel i want to cry and hit bu tutee, if u give me permisson of course. I know how men when they just dont get it, it leads to a big mess and they will act like “what’s wrong? U girls are so sensetive, or why are u mad now? why are u becoming a nisra all of a sudden?” This does not apply on husbands only. Unfortunatly, brothers, dads, and even fathers in law. The higher the rancking and age the more helpless you are.
    Intlxpart….. You r such a 7akeema lady, i would love to learn more from you


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