Back Home … and Edward Cullen!

Tadroon shino sej mishtahya?  Sej sej?

3aish abyath, 7akook, topped with KDD non fat yoghurt. BS!!!!!!

Im back. cannot sleep. disoriented. I look at the mess created by my four oversized bags in my living room. The spaces are BIIIIG… no need for all that space in q8. I dont want to go out.

I actually broke out into a fit of crying 2 hours ago, i begged my husband to take me back home. Made worse by looking at pictures of my trip. i will share with you tommorow insha2 alla. give me a moment to clear my head plz

Um mit3ib ma nesaytich… but My husband has the flash with the draft in it!!!! He kidnapped it lel asaf, i think he might be a bit jealous of Edward Cullen.. ma yenlam 6b3an. I will put the link for you … here… http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html

3anooda … ur post is special and its coming tommorow… but my head is a bit foggy now …

I have had the longest flu of my life. It just wont go away. Since my nose passage ways were blocked. The airpressure closed my ears, making them very very VERY PAINFUL and i cannot hear. The pain have subsided a bit now… stil wont open and bothering me.

Now… more on Edward Cullen…

You see, the last book is 760 pages nearly… i am now in page 550.

i do  not want to continue, i actualy have a copy of Dorothy Koomson latest novel ‘good night beautiful’ on chapter 3 next to it, i read 3 pages of Breaking Dawn, then go back to dorothy’s book, because i literally do not want the book to end.

Whats so great?

You see, the book is for teenagers, the writing is good yet predictable, i came out to the conclusions of the things before they actually happened. and when u come to the obsession between bella and edward, aside from Edwards striking looks and vague dangerous appeal, there is not many sides to his character.

so? Why am i writing about it at 3 am in the morning, lost in the book since last week?

You see…

It is a love story between a Vampire and A human. Vampires put you off? So i thought… until i saw the movie out of boredom, which by the way is coming to Q8 on 15 January … o ana will go to it again, but someone has to break the news about that to my husband who hates revitsiting movies previously seen…

Anyways… so why?

Vampires and humans should not mix. they are so anti each other. The union between them is doomed. Yet, attraction and love is there…

how many of us have had equal equations love? how many love stories out there happen between two compatible lovers?

They say opposite attract. 80% of love stories are that way.

and then there is the self esteem issue.

Bella is ordinary, blah, klutz. Edward is hearbreakingly handsome and ticks all the right boxes, looks, money, intelligence, COMPASSION ya ryayel il q8…

Yet he loves her? That tiny bit of difference always nagged bella and tugged at her heart. she always felt less than him, unworthy of his love. Baffled as why it was her and no one else?

I could totally identify with that.

In my case, i am totally wrong for my husband, he is tall, handsome, educated, thin, and lean …

i am fat, ugly, less educated than him, and of the wrong social sector.

he doesnt care about that. He love me, i love him, hence we got married against our precious society’s wishes.

But i know he could have done much much MUCH better than me.

He could have married a young bouncy cheery q8y with silky hair and a thin body, san3a o 3ajel o rakda o 7leewa. Someone more suitable for him and his family’s demands. You see, im also 3asra o de3la y3ni…

So i will always always ALWAYS feel that … feel i am some how not the best thing that ever happened to him. That there are many girls out there who would deserve him more. No amount of self esteem or pep talk will change that fact for me. Ever.

Exactly like bella!

the 2nd book? Where he leaves her?

We once caved, before we got married. We lost all hope. We left each other.

Ever had to give up hope on ur love? In q8?

read the 2nd book and weep.

I recall once walking in Villa moda, in that dark time of my life. when i realized that there was no way we could be married with the blessing of our society. and that in order to preserve our families feelings we should not persue the idea of getting married any further, and that we should be apart for good. A clean break, like Edward told bella.

I recall i was walking in Villa moda, in the Free zone place, and there was that young couple, a wife and husband, she was choosing a dress, he was close to her in his dishdasha, cooing over her choise and holding her hand gingerly… they were lost in each other, oblivious to the crowd around them…

and i watched them with my bleeding broken heart.

Then i vowed to my self that, if i cannot marry the man i love with all my heart, if i cannot be with him, then i do not want to be with anyone else. End of story.

I want to get married because im in love. not because some woman thinks i would be a good match for her son, like a pillow that matches the couch.

and then i had to choose, either a man i love with society hating it and calling me the worst names on earth. Or a man the society approves for me, whose family will respect me and include me as one of their own, and someone i am stuck with for the rest of my life, sharing my most intimate details with him, whom i may or may not fall in love with sometime in the future.

and i chose to patch my heart. and the society still breathes and gossips and lives on. But i will never feel that i am ever good enough. or welcomed. or respected for that matter. i cannot win.

and my husband hates shopping with me. and hates villa moda even more.

Anyhoo, i ran out of words to say. I will go read a little more of Bella and

Edward.

By the way, q8y men out there… read the book plz. and plz plz plz try and treat the girls in ur lives (mom sis aunt wife fiancee ilee ohoo)… try and treat them lo a fraction of the way Edward treats bella… the concept NESRAA will disappear from ur dictionary!!!!

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8 responses to this post.

  1. I will spare you the pep talk which you really really need! Just wanted to say Well done to you and your husband for going against all the odds (as you say) and getting married! There is nothing more beautiful in life than fighting for the one you really want and ending up with him/her! I wish there were more men and women out there who have the guts to do this!! Rabi eyhaneekom w yas3idkom inshalla…

    Reply

  2. Oh, Sweet Danderma! Your husband must have loved you SO much to marry you in spite of all the barriers. Trust yourself, trust that you have qualities that he needs in his life, and build a life full of memories and new ways of doing things. Trust yourself, trust him, and become the person you want to be.

    Reply

  3. Posted by Lama on January 2, 2009 at 10:17 AM

    Welcome back Dear 🙂

    you should not think that way, never ever.
    you have qualities, unique qualities. that you should be proud of.

    Beside, how on earth you describe ur self this way !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    you are totally mistaken.

    you are great, outside and inside.

    for most INTELLIGENT ppl. the inside that matters most and ur doing a great job in this area 🙂

    c u soon.

    Reply

  4. don`t ever think like that ambeeh u r amaizing reading your posts alone makes me like u ambeeh . me 2 i married for love o 7a6eet klam elnaas wara my back o by the way tra they will never ever stop talking aham shay u both r in love

    Reply

  5. garaiita!!!

    ehabel.. bs i want her to continue !

    Reply

  6. Posted by aws on January 5, 2009 at 1:41 AM

    Shahrayar fell in love with Shahrazad because of her story telling… and for the life of me, I haven’t met anyone, who tells a story… the way you do…
    all the passion, all the touching details… very well spoken…
    a girl with a mind of her own.. who doesn’t follow “seyasat El qa6eee3” .. just walking blindly behind the herd…
    one who doesn’t allow herself to be oblivious to the happenings just to remain within her comfort zone…
    a girl with an endless desire to explore … and she is very much generous to share her thoughts and learnings.. reminds me of beauty and the beast song (the disney version) when they said “with her nose stuck in a book”…

    a girl who is soft spoken… never heard her yell at anyone… no matter what it is that comes her way… and alot has come her way that deserves yelling…
    a girl with a gourmet’s taste buds … reminds me of barbara strisand in one of her movies , when the man told her, you make sure that every bite is “perfect” before you have it…

    your big heart… your caring nature.. your maturity way beyond your age.. your wisdom in dealing with each and every problem.. smart and very articulate …

    and you are pretty… by god you are pretty… have you looked in the mirror … you are as pretty as your sisters are mashallah.. the three of you are alike in so many ways 🙂

    and i’m not saying this just to make you feel better…
    it’s sad that although you seem to see everything around you… you fail to see everything ABOUT you … that makes you the kindred spirit you are …

    I have only met your husband very briefly… and you said to him “bo toti yomma mo ehneeh” … what a cute way to address someone … though casually said , it defined exactly the kind nature of yours… allah yehanneeh .. he got himself a real gem… with a heart of a princess …

    Having someone like you by his side is a real bless…
    all the things you have muttered about incompatibility… i’m afraid they don’t matter… perhaps they are required to sustain a marriage in this society .. but when it comes to a happy marriage all the “compatibility” issues are irrelevant… and remains the love in your heart… only this can sustain happiness…

    how many people do you know are married… and how many do you know are happily married… this is what you need to question… stop questioning your own validity or suitability in the false standards of our society… these are clearly not the standards that make you or your husband happy… idiotic standards of prejudice and fear of the other … ta’7allof in so many ways … standards that don’t abide to religion , not even common sense … and i dare say they go back to ayyam el jaheleyya before Islam !!

    stop looking at the differences between your husband and yours.. and start looking at the similarities… that despite your different backgrounds the two of you share alot and have many common interests…

    only when we start capitalizing on our similarities, rather than differences, can we reach happiness… the happiness you are spoiling when you question feelings..
    o ba3dain how can you rationalize feelings ??
    feelings belong to the right side of your brain and logic in the left… and you are trying to apply logic to understand behavior purely driven by the subconcious… that’s why it’s called the subconcious… cos it’s not within your awareness !!

    you have clearly identified with edward and bella… and can relate to their story… but mind you … bella is not you !! you are waay better than her … you are not doing yourself justice putting yourself in her shoes… though i haven’t read those books, seems she’s just an average person, one with modest abilities .. and you are NOT average … you are one of the elite in terms of both IQ and emotional intelligence !!

    that’s the problem with books… they sort of distort your reality when you lose that threshold between you and the characters and feel you are one of them… feel for them… think like them.. reminds me of Shadia’s movie when she impersonated all that comes her way !!

    your thinking (and I believe that of your husband’s) has been shaped by learnings that do not stem purely from the society we live in … because you have had the exposure to the world of books, movies, TV … this applies to so many people in our generation.. we were brought up differently.. altered so many of the traditional values… we have a much more sophisticated value system, one that is open minded… and you are taking a step backward when you perceive it in the light of the traditional weary traditions… just don’t …
    in this little blog community you have surrounded yourself with the people who most make you happy… and are made happy because of you .. isn’t this what we all seek … a happy life ?? so why disturb yourself with those who make you unhappy… they don’t matter… you have a world of your own… don’t let them stop you from enjoying it …

    Reply

  7. Posted by aws on January 5, 2009 at 1:52 AM

    o by the way… i think villa moda is the least romantic place on earth ! Faa bo toti is not to blame !

    Reply

  8. Posted by yara4ever on January 7, 2009 at 12:16 AM

    love aws’s reply.. absolutley loved this post and ur honesty, shawagteni 3al book i looooooove reading o once i find a good book its hard to make me stop reading till i finish it.. From the first comment u left in my blog i adored u, ana masheftich, wala a3aref esmich wala 3aylitich wala which part of society ur from and i looved u 7addi, mn agrab ennas 3ala galbi in this blogosphere entay.. nothing will change that, btw my marriage story is kinda like urs… i’ll post about it in the honesty tag

    Reply

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